Journey

The Daily Prompt: Free Association

Write down the first words that comes to mind when we say . . .

. . . home.

. . . soil.

. . . rain.

Use those words in the title of your post.

There are so many words that comes to my mind as I think of these three prompts.

Home: Heart, Family, Happiness, Comfort

Soil: Life, Patience, Roots

Rain: Elixir, Joy, Water, Flood

But if I try to associate these three prompts with my life, the word that comes to my mind is, ‘Journey.’ Please continue to read on about my journey.

Like a child eating his favorite candy happily, I was enjoying the pleasant comfort of my home. Years flew like seconds which I could barely acknowledge or recognize. I was jealous of the eagles that were flying, the horses that were running and the fishes that were swimming. But I never made an effort to figure out if I was an eagle or a horse or a fish. Soon enough like a loose soil, I was swept away from home by the winds of change. No goal to pursue and no destination in mind, but yet I continued my journey.

And like a voyager lost in the sea, with every additional step I was more lost than ever. Every time I tried to make a course correction or return, hope triumphed over experience. Years passed and here I was; sometimes stuck on the root of plant or sometime stuck on a rock but always wondering if this is where I wanted to be. But one fine day, there was rain. A rain like nothing this loose soil had seen before. A rain that brought back the loose soil back to where it started from.

It looks like the journey is over. What is most valuable thing that I earned in this journey, is it fortune or fame? Is it love or legacy? It is the ‘experience’ that I gained in pursuit of all these. And in this journey I learned as much about myself as I have learned about this world. A journey with no destination to pursue but which leads to self-awareness is much better than a journey that leads to an intended destination but with no self-awareness.

All human beings are in their own unique life-long journey with no permanent destination. The journey is the only constant thing, all destinations are only temporary.  If I look back at my journey so far and have to assign an adjective to it, what would it be? ‘Interesting’. It was an interesting journey. It is an interesting journey and it will continue to remain so in future as well. The journey continues from another temporary destination.

Bijosh’s Blog Post (Be Inspired by the Neighbors – Blogging 101)

I am writing this post for the ‘Be Inspired by the Neighbors’ exercise. On January 15, I read a post by Bijosh on his blog Odd Thoughts. Bijosh writes with the pen name Thilopian. The title of the blog post was: Can we define love? The main idea in the blog post is: ‘pure love is love itself. We should become love. We don’t love anybody. What we must do is to be love.’ My comment for this blog post was: ‘Nice Article. Very Well Written. Reading your post, I am reminded of the definition for Love that was given by one of my professors in college, “Love is an Act of accepting another person in Totality.’

For the purpose of this post, I am going to assume love not just in its romantic form but as any act of kindness/ affection involving at least one living being. There is another definition of love that I read in an autograph notebook during my school days: ‘Love is the union of mind and soul.’ But I like the definition of love by our professor: ‘an Act of accepting another person in Totality.’ I always wonder how people accept those characteristics in their loved ones which they would disapprove/ despise in a stranger. The reason is love – the act of accepting a person in totality. It is also said that you don’t love a person because he or she is special, rather someone becomes special to you because you love him or her.

But a look around the very societies we live in, we come across innumerable violence that is unleashed in the love for one’s own ideology, race, religion, language, love for material well-being, and love for power, etc. So much crimes happen due to humans’ irrational, unjustifiable and psychotic love that one can easily assume that love is not a feeling/ word but an abbreviation (LOVE) that stands for Lots of Violent Emotions. If Buddha who preached that ‘Desire is the root cause of all suffering’ were to given one more advise for today’s world, he might even say, ‘Love is the root cause of all suffering.

Buddha, the great soul, teacher and God to millions of Buddhists is not plagued by my short-sightedness and would not arrive at such hasty conclusions. Love for one’s ideology/religion/race/language at the expense of human virtues is the root cause of all suffering. Love for material well-being and hold over power at the expense of one’s character is main reason for many maladies of today’s human societies.

Human Beings are paradoxes beyond comprehension. The same people who might show indifference to a lot of suffering and injustice around them would one fine day take up one particular cause. The same people who would lead self-centered lives every day would rush to help others in the face of natural or man-made disasters. A couple of examples come to my mind. One is the example of a group of people from Punjab running community kitchens and relief camps for victims of the Indian Ocean Tsunami in Nagapattinam district in Tamil Nadu. If difference were to lead to divisions and apathy, then these people from Punjab should not volunteered to help. To list the differences: the two states are in different corners of India, the people of the two states speak different languages, there is a popular perception/ school of thought that the people of these two states belong to different human races, a lot of victims and a lot of volunteers belonged to different religions as well, to name a few. Add to these most of the volunteers might not even face the natural tragedies caused by the sea in their life time (Punjab is a landlocked state bordering Pakistan). Yet these men and women from Punjab had travelled more than thousand kilometers to live in difficult conditions serving people whom they might not even see again in their lives. If this is not an example of love for humanity and human virtues, then I don’t know what would constitute one.

The other example is a much more recent one: The battle that aid workers and medical professionals are waging in Africa against Ebola. The disease has probably one of highest mortality rates (the last time I saw news coverage on Ebola on BBC/ CNN, they reported roughly one in two people who contacted the disease had died, in the current outbreak). Add to this, there were cases in the past as well as in the present outbreak of aid workers and medical professionals who were helping the patients contacting the disease and losing their lives. All these factors should prevent people from treating the patients who have Ebola. Yet there were/are so many people, not only people of African countries but people from other countries as well, volunteering to treat these patients and in that process willingly putting their lives in the hands of grave danger. Again what drives these people? Definitely not money. It is the love for humanity and human virtues.

All these train of thoughts bring me back to the question: the definition of love? At the same time there is another flash of thought in my mind. Human existence on this planet will not be dependent on our individual as well as collective ability to define love. It will be driven by our ability to show love and affection to other living beings as well as our ability to experience and receive love and affection.

A walk in Elliot’s Beach

As far as I can remember, I have always had trouble waking up early in the morning. I am not one of those morning birds who are chirpy from the moment they wake. And I don’t remember the last time I had seen a sunrise. So it has been my secret wish for about a couple of months now to go to the beach and see the sunrise.

Sunrise at Elliot's Beach

Sunrise at Elliot’s Beach

I woke up chance at around 5 AM on January 11, 2015. Instead of going back to bed (as usual) I decided to go and see the sunrise at Elliot’s Beach, Chennai. I carried a point and shoot camera along with me. I reached the beach a little late, however the clouds near the horizon had masked the view of the ‘Golden Disc’ rising out of the sea just like one of the Bond Girls coming out of the water towards the shore.

IMG_0201

A Catamaram in the Sea

The Sun is just peeping out

The Sun is just peeping out

At first I was disappointed that I was late. But then I thought this was a significant personal milestone for me and there was nothing to feel bad about. As I was taking snaps of the sun, I saw a motorized fishing boat returning to the shore to the nearby fishing hamlet. Eager to take a few snaps of the fresh fishes that the fishermen would be bringing, I headed in that direction.

As I was walking towards the boat, I saw the carcasses of two huge sea turtles on the shore. I took a snap of one of the sea turtles with the rising sun as the backdrop. Suddenly, the saying, ‘a new day, a new beginning’ flashed in my mind’s eye and I felt bad at the irony of the situation. I left the water front and started to walk in the roads near the beach.

A dead sea turtle

A dead sea turtle

At one particular spot, a group of bikes parked together caught my attention. The reason is you come across 15 bikes of the same model all parked beside each other, every day. These bikes were all KTM 200 CC bikes. I checked the registrations on the bikes, they were from different localities within Chennai. One of the bikes had the tagline, ‘Eat, Sleep and Ride’ painted on it. About 20 feet from this pack there was another KTM bike with the message, ‘Riders not Racer’ parked.

15 KTM bikes parked together

15 KTM bikes parked together

I continued my walking session in a reflective mood. I always used to like going to Marina Beach and Elliot’s Beach along with family or friends while I was in school and college. I found the sight of ‘wave after wave crashing on the shore’ particularly therapeutic and comforting during times when I was in a bad mood. There have been countless instances when I was involved in mindless and aimless chatter with family of friends sitting on the beaches of Chennai.

As a kid I always used to jump in joy at the first sight of the beach as we used to walk through Wallajah Road towards thee beach. I can still remember how ecstatic I used to get at the exact moment when I used to complete my stroll through the beachfront and venture into the water. The sight of other kids laughing and playing in water, the moist air, the salty smell and the happy and playful times spent at the beachfront used to make me yearn for more time at the beach and would make me plead with my parents to take me to the beach more frequently.

However the association of beaches in Chennai with a ‘place for fun and happiness’ suddenly changed on that fateful 26th December morning ten years ago, when a bunch of giant murderous waves gatecrashed on the grand party called ‘everyday life’ that people in India, South Asia and South East Asia were enjoying. I remember seeing in horror and disbelief (about 10 days after the Tsunami day) a motorized fishing boat crashed into the first floor balcony of a sea-facing house on Thiruvanmiyur beach. Somehow after that day I don’t think of the sea/ beach as a place where we humans go for relaxation and re-creation. The sea is an enormous sleeping giant and the lives of people in sea-facing cities are at the mercy of this giant dormant volcano filled with water.

What’s in a Name?

Question Mark

My name is Yoges (pronounced as Yo-gesh). If it’s pronounced as ‘Yogesh’ why is it written as ‘Yoges’? Well, that’s a long story. I am 35 year old guy from Chennai, India. The story of my name starts with my father’s name, Raja Gopal. When I was born on 6th April 1980, my parents decided to give me a name similar to my father’s name and named me as ‘Ram Gopal.’ Instead of making this as my official name, they decided to consult our family’s astrologer. And the astrologer introduced the first twist in the screenplay of my life.

The astrologer after carefully considering the planetary alignment at the time of my birth as well as my birth star bowled a ‘Googly’ and announced that my name should start either with ‘Yo’ or ‘Ya.’ Not to be outdone by the astrologer’s advice my parents named me as ‘Yogesh Ram Gopal.’ My name would have stayed this way had it not been for an idea that was planted in my dad’s mind several years ago. It’s called ‘Numerology.’ I am not sure who introduced my dad to the concept of Numerology; may be it is an elder one from the family or a friend or maybe even a newspaper article. But the fact is my dad very firmly believes in Numerology. And so my parents were checking if my would-be name (Yogesh Ram Gopal) would be ‘Numerology’ compliant as well. Unfortunately, ‘Yogesh Ram Gopal’ along with the initials (V R) did not lead to the favorable number (as per Numerology). Neither did ‘Yogesh Ram’ nor ‘Yogesh.’ So finally they settled for the odd spelling for my name as ‘Yoges’ though everyone in the family always pronounced it as ‘Yogesh.’

There is a little bit of history in the choice of initials that were chosen for me and my sisters. Unlike the majority in India, in in my state Tamil Nadu, people mostly do not have Surnames. The norm is using abbreviation of one’s native place plus father’s name or abbreviation of grand father’s name plus father’s name or just father’s name as initials. Example: In the late CM of Tamil Nadu C.N. Annadurai’s name, ‘C’ stands for his native place Conjeevaram and ‘N’ stands for his father’s name Natarajan.

So my name should have been either R Yoges (Rajagopal Yoges) or P R Yoges (Padapai Rajagopal Yoges), Padapai being my ancestral village. However fate intervened in the form of a conversation that my dad had with one his friends who worked as a nurse at CSI Kalyani Hospital, Chennai around the time my eldest sister was born. It seems that the nurse felt that it’s unfair that while the mother of the baby incurs a lot of pain in bringing the baby to this world, only the name of the father is given as initials. My dad recalled a few years back that at that moment he decided that he will include my mother’s name along with his name as initials for his children. So I and my sister’s got the initials as V R (Vijayalakshmi Rajagopal).

Well, I wouldn’t be thinking about writing about my name had it not put me into some interesting situations at school, college and workplace. First of all, most of my classmates and teachers in school were intrigued about the unusual spelling for my name. One of the teachers who came as substitute for my math teacher, on looking at my name on my notebook even commented, “Idiot, you don’t even know how to spell your name?” My class representative came to my rescue and told her that it’s a numerology based name (I have struck to that explanation ever since). Most of classmates would either call me as ‘Yo-ges’ or ‘Yogx’. Things got slightly better during graduation and post-graduation when my class mates called me as Yogi (meaning: a person who has spent a lot of their life doing yoga and studying the philosophy of yoga) or Yogi Bear (!!!).

But I always keep running into trouble while filling my name in applications for institutions outside Tamil Nadu. Applications for most institutions (outside Tamil Nadu) don’t account for Patronymic names and hence keep asking for ‘Surname’. And I have to fill my parents name in the place given for surname. This always keeps leading to interesting permutations for my name depending upon how the institutions’ computer systems are configured.

Post MBA when I went to work with an MNC, I started facing another interesting problem. The company had policy of using ‘surname, first name’ as the naming convention in Outlook profiles. They did not allow photos to be uploaded to avoid any discrimination in staffing. The IT people who created my outlook account configured my name as “Rajagopal, Yoges Vijayalakshmi.” In one particular year I signed up to be training coordinator for my department’s trainings. We had the practice of allowing a few people from other departments to attend our department’s training. So our training announcements would be sent to other departments with my name as the training coordinator. To my horror, in one of the months about half a dozen mails (from people from other departments) landed in my inbox with more or less the following message: “Hello Miss Vijayalakshmi, We would like to attend the above said training.” Miss Vijayalaksmi!!! The issue is that they assumed my oddly spelt name ‘Yoges’ as family name. There was no photo to see that it’s actually a guy. On seeing a feminine name Vijayalakshmi, they addressed it as ‘Miss Vijayalaksmi.’

I have always thought that my parents could have given me a Tamil name or the name of a famous historical personality from Tamil Nadu instead of a Sanskrit based name ‘Yogesh.’ This feeling started taking roots in a Tamil class during my primary school days when our Tamil teacher pinpointed students with pure Tamil names. In that class I learned that my name was a Sanskrit based name. I thought that it was wrong on my parents’ part to have given me a Sanskrit based name and decided that when I grow up I will choose a name that has some significance in Tamil literature or Tamil history. The issues that I had to face due to the odd spelling for my name only made this feeling stronger with each passing day. In the heydays of Orkut, for a couple of years I used the original name of the greatest of Tamil kings, ‘Arul Mozhi Varman’ as my profile name. However, slowly I was losing the inclination to change my name. Somehow I was starting to believe that ‘It’s the divine right of parents to name their child and the child has no right to change his/her name.’ What if the child does not like his/her name? He or She has to earn a name or title from the society through some meaningful contribution to the society.

For a number of years I never thought about what is the actual meaning of my name. I was forced to think about it during the third year of my graduation. I had applied for the Engineering Stream of Indian Air Force through University Entry Scheme. I had cleared the written test and had to go to Mysore for in-person interviews and tasks. We were divided into groups based on the increasing order of our age. My batch did not have any tasks in the first day. Post dinner when we were discussing with guys who had tasks that day, a lot of guys said that they were asked for the ‘meaning of their name’. That night I thought about what is the meaning of my name; however I could not think of a good answer. When I was posed that question the following day, I could not give a convincing reply. However the officer who asked me this question, told me that my name ‘Yogesh’ might have its origins in the root word for ‘Yoga.’ When I came back from Mysore, I started looking for the meaning of name on the internet. I figured out that my name could mean God of Yoga or Destiny’s God.

I once came across an email forward: ‘by the time you realize whatever your dad said makes sense, your son would be thinking that whatever you say doesn’t make sense.’ I had to come to terms with this reality when I had a daughter in 2012 and it was time to give her a name. I preferred giving my daughter a pure Tamil name but my wife wanted a name that was stylish. A search for names on the internet and books proved futile. However a colleague of mine suggested the name ‘Venpa’ (a form of Tamil Poetry) which matched our criteria. However as per my daughter’s birth star her name has to start with ‘Tha’, ‘Dha’ or ‘Sa.’ My father also handed me a book on Numerology to figure out a name that leads to a favorable number! Though I do not believe that name alone will ensure in success or well-being in life, I did not want to deny the doses of good luck (offered by an astrology and numerology based name) to my daughter. So reluctantly, I decided to figure out a name that would be favorable as per astrology as well as numerology.

But figuring out such a name proved more difficult than I had imagined. First, the number of names were limited (How many Hindu female names can you get starting with the three alphabets T, D or S?). Second, a lot of names that I liked, my wife did not like and vice-versa. Finally we were left with only a handful of names to choose from. Now came the interesting part of making the names Numerology compliant!!! I exhausted half a note book in trying to figure out a favorable combination. I spent quite a few hours on this exercise in frustration. I would add an additional ‘a’ or ‘h’ or ‘e’ to a name, but still it would not lead to a lucky number. Some names would get morphed into a completely unrecognizable form due to all the alphabet additions that I made.

We had decided to name our daughter on November 9, 2012. The ceremony was supposed to start at 9 AM. It was late in the evening on November 8 and I still had not figured out a name. I was frantically trying to arrive at a name while my wife was attending to our daughter. My wife had worried look on her face. Hours were just ticking by but a name that meets all our criteria was proving to be elusive. Around 3 AM on November 9 I had two names lined up but couldn’t choose one over the other. I went to my wife, showed her two fingers and told her that each one stood for a name and she had to choose one. My wife chose ‘Thanvii’. The original word behind this name is ‘Tanvi’ (meaning: soft and tender). I had introduced additional H and I to make this name Numerology compliant. At this juncture I am reminded of a joke made by one of my ex-colleagues, ‘In Tamil Nadu there is a “H” free after every “T” and every “D”.’ Like our parents we also decided to use my name and my wife’s name as initials to my daughter.

Somehow after going through this whole name finding mission, I see my name as well the process my parents used to arrive at my name in a more favorable light. As I was going through the process of choosing a name for my daughter, deep inside I wanted the ‘divine power’/ ‘luck’ that I had invoked through an Astrology and Numerology compliant name to be a guiding force for my daughter long after I have left this earth. As I recollect now, the odd spelling for my name had given me a benefit that I have failed to recognize over the years. The odd spelling for my name has severed as a good ice-breaker topic for me over the years. I could always add a couple of sentences to my introduction instead of just stating my name. In my workplaces (when there are other people with the same name Yogesh), the odd spelling for my name has ensured that my name is easily findable in the address book. I have told new colleagues time and again to just look for the ‘Yogesh’ without the ‘h’ in the name!

I have come across the question, ‘What’s in a name?’ so many times in books, discussion, articles etc. When we look superficially a name is insignificant and only the life of the person bearing the name carries a meaning. But if we look at a much deeper level, even if the life of the person bearing the name is meaningless, the name is still significant in a number of ways. The name could be mish-mash of various ancient bodies of knowledge. The name could be the end-result of various belief systems of a family that has been passed down across generations over a millennia. The name could be the remnant of a struggle to ensure in a new social order in a by-gone era. The name could be the result of just a spark of an idea that was lit in the minds of the parents by someone whom the child is never going to meet in his or her life. Above all the name could be a manifestation of desire or a longing within the heart of every parent for his or her child to have the best possible life known to mankind.

The Two Best Insurance Products

The two best insurance products in this world are not sold by insurance companies. No, they are not sold by multinational banks either. The government is in no way related to these insurance products. Some of the best minds in economics or finance have got nothing to do with these insurance products.

These two insurance products give the best possible protection in the long term, not only for ourselves but also for our families. So, where can we buy these insurance products? None of us can buy these insurance products anywhere. But we can invest in them. We can invest in these two insurance products at our very own home.

The Two Best Insurance Products are:

  1. Our own (life-long) education
  2. Our Children with the right outlook towards life and right skillsets required for life

So, how much money do we need to invest in them? When it comes to these two insurance products, the primary investment required is not money but our time and effort. We need to invest our time and effort in our continuing education as well as in bringing up our children the right way. Keep in mind these are not one time investment plans but systematic involvement plans (SIP).

Are you investing enough in these two?

Why do people send their kids to school? (Part 1)

Why do people send their kids to school? That might sound like a stupid question to you. Or you might think that I am not serious when I am posing this question. I am one hundred percent serious about this question. When I look back at my own experience of my school-going days (oops… sorry Professor Daniel Kahneman. Wrong usage). When I recollect memories of my school-going days as well as think about that of millions of other people, the question ‘Why do people send their kids to school?’ keeps popping up in my head again and again. Why do people send their kids to school?

Let’s list down the most important reasons:

  1. To get the kids educated
  2. To teach them discipline
  3. To ensure that the kids go to good universities/ colleges. No, that’s not correct… To ensure that the kids go to one of the best universities/colleges
  4. Parents need someone to take care of their kids in their absence
  5. Parents don’t have the expertise in bringing up their kids. They need help from experts. Schools provide these experts.
  6. Parents don’t have the time or patience to watch their kids the entire day (and day after day)
  7. To ensure that the kids grow up as well rounded individuals

Let’s take a closer look at the above responses.

The first three look pretty straight forward. These three are the ones that every parent would agree in public too. People want their kids to get educated. After all education is the best bet to ensure in social progression. Discipline might sound a little harsh, the better one would be social etiquette. People want schools to teach social etiquette to their kids, at least parents that are not good at social etiquette themselves or parents who are not able to impart them in their kids in their family set-up. To ensure that the kids go the best universities/ colleges…. This too is obvious. The skills that the kids learn at school as a part of their curricular and co-curricular activities would help the kids to clear the screening tests conducted by the best universities and colleges and gain entry into these prestigious institutions.

The next three might not be the ones that parents might agree in public and not even in a one to one confidential conversation. But we can’t brush these aside. With the increase in the number of nuclear families, increasing proportion of families in which both the parents work and families living in cities where they do not have any of their close relatives living, parents definitely need a safe place to leave their kids when they are not in a position to take care of them. Lacking expertise in all matters related to bringing up kids could also be an issue, especially with people who have had their first kid. The emotional tantrums by kids might test the patience of the parents from time to time. Lack of time to take care of the kids could also be a problem in households where both the parents have jobs that themselves demand a lot of their time. The education that kids receive at school, the process of receiving the education and experiences associated with school days definitely help in ensuring that the kids grow up into well rounded individuals.

But according to me the most important reason why people send their kids to school is not given in the list. Chances are that most parents do not think about it when they send their kids to school. I am not sure if the professionals who work in these schools and the authorities who design the curriculum and govern these schools realize the importance of this factor in the life of kids at school. So what is this most important reason for which people send their kids to school? Before getting to it lets revisit the seven reasons once again and deliberate a little bit.

  1. To get the kids educated.

Most people can self-tutor their kids at least till the kids are in 8th/9th standard (if the parents themselves are educated). Beyond these classes, it might be difficult for the parents to teach some of subjects especially mathematics and science. Let’s assume for a moment that you have required background and you can teach your kids yourselves without sending them to schools. Will you still send your kids to a school?

  1. To teach them discipline

The family is the biggest influence on a kid and if they are not able to impart social etiquette in their kids, schools will have a tough time too. In any case whatever the school teaches, if the kids don’t get an environment at home to put them into practice, it’s as good as the kids not learning them at all. Assume that your family is better equipped to teach social etiquette to your kids than any school. Will you still send your kids to a school?

  1. To ensure that the kids go to good universities/ colleges. No. That’s not correct… To ensure that the kids go to one of the best universities/colleges.

This is slightly a dicey one. Well, the parents might be able to teach all the subjects taught in school better than schools themselves. But without help from university regulations, home-schooled students might not be able to get into the best universities. Assume that in your country home-schooled kids can take a reputed examination and if they clear this exam, they can apply for the best universities. Will you still send your kids to a school?

  1. Parents need someone to take care of their kids in their absence.

Assume that you live in a joint family or your parents live close by and are willing to take care your kids in your absence. Will you still send your kids to a school?

  1. Parents don’t have the expertise in bringing up their kids. They need help from experts. Schools provide these experts.

Same as ‘point one’ as above. Assume that you do have the expertise. Will you still send your kids to a school?

  1. Parents don’t have the time or patience to watch their kids the entire day (and day after day)

Assume that you have the time and the patience and/or your kids are very well behaved and obedient. Will you still send your kids to a school?

  1. To ensure that the kids grow up as well rounded individuals

Assume that you figure out that sending your kids to school is not the most cost-effective way in ensuring on this one. There are better ways. Will you still send your kids to a school?

The answer to all these question is an emphatic yes as schools provide the one factor that is very essential for a growing kid which you or I cannot provide in our family setting. And that will be the subject for my next blog post.